Possible Diagnosis

After TWO, yes two! long years on the NHS waiting list, I finally got an appointment to have a psychological assessment. It was draining. Ive been going over the same stuff so many times, I could tell you my story in my sleep. Why dont they just read my notes??

At the end of the session, the psychologist said she detected Major Depression, PTSD (see post on PTSD) and possible BPD-Borderline Personality Disorder.

Personally, I hate labels.  No, ‘hate’ is too nice a word. Detest… thats better!

However, in order to fill out the paperwork and to get somewhere (Ive waited two freakin long years Im not waiting any longer) I have to have this label despite not ticking ALL of the boxes.

One of the questions that bothered me was the one that asked if I was manipulative.

She didnt ask it. she suggested it..like-” there have been times where you have controlled or manipulated people or situations to get what you wanted.”

Which is ironic, because usually it is me who is being manipulated. One of the main factors of the abuse was control and manipulation. Come to think of it, essentially ALL of the abuse was about control. I only got out of my abusive home almost 3 years ago and it hasnt been until very recently that I have felt confident enough to be in control of my own life.

I sometimes still think of myself as a doormat, someone who will bend over backwards to ‘warm your feet ‘and literally be stepped on inorder to avoid aggravation and confrontations.

If I was having this assessment by myself to myself, I would answer that ‘suggestion’ with a resounding NO! but, -again, ironically,- I said I dont know.

Then she said she would like me to research DBT-Dialectical Behaviour Therapy.

So, Ive read up about it but can anyone out here in the blogosphere recount a successful experience with it?


2 thoughts on “Possible Diagnosis

  1. I’m not usually too keen on labels either and have spent years deliberately avoiding researching any type of mental health issue. Following years of struggling through the NHS, I finally met a good Psychiatrist who almost immediately told me I have a Borderline Personality Disorder.

    Doing a little research into the disorder was the best thing I could have done for my own development. Suddenly, there it was in black and white, many of the issues I had been trying to understand all my life.

    I’ve had experience of all kinds of therapy and none I was ever brave enough to continue. DBT and MBT (Mentalization Based Therapy) are apparently two of the best for people living with Personality Disorders. I am currently on the waiting list for MBT.

    • I find doing my own research really useful too. MBT was suggested to me but when I learned it was mainly group work, I freaked out a little.
      I cant do group work. It terrifies me. My anxiety levels rocket sky high when I am in a group. In addition, I find that I come out feeling way worse than when I went in because I take on everyone else’s pain too 😦

      Best of luck with the waiting time. I hope this time you will find the strength to continue 🙂

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